Excerpts from Under One Roof
…the book is organized in a similar way as the earlier editions, entitled Together Again and All in the Family. But, here in The American Family we have updated all the statistics as additional data have become available. We have also been able to add new stories about both successful and unsuccessful experiments in multigenerational living as reported in the popular press and web commentaries. We also introduce material on the latest thinking about creative processes that can be applied in family meetings. The emphasis in all this new material is on the inventiveness of families as they adjust to circumstances in the third decade of 21st century. Indeed, the complex mix of cultural and legal constraints, family resources including both housing and finances, the numbers, ages, and health of extended family members, geographic limitations, personality clashes, and differences in cross-generational values makes family design processes daunting while, at the same time, providing exciting opportunities for invention.
This is a book about families – in particular, families that are taking inventive approaches to coping with the stresses of our changing society. Our focus in this introductory chapter is on how families manage the deteriorating health of a member. Some families handle things well and some don’t. Of course, one popular option is placing our infirm elders in assisted living facilities.
Now we appreciate that some of you have had the good fortune to have never visited a nursing home. We want to change that. Before you read another page in this book, we have a little homework assignment for you. Call up the nicest nursing home in your area and ask for a tour. The easiest way to find one is to go to the website https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare/?providerType=NursingHome&redirect=true, input your zip code, and hit Search. You can also narrow your Search on the website by price and needs if you like. Contact information is listed as well as consumer evaluations. But nothing will be as informative as your own visit. When you get there, take a look at both the assisted-living apartments and the medical care facilities. Be sure to ask to see their state-produced quality report, sometimes called a “Form 2567 from the U.S. Health Care Financing Administration” or the “state inspection survey.” After the tour you will be more interested in the ideas in this book. So, seriously, close the book and make the call now.
Compare the population pyramids (a representation of the age distribution of the United States in any one year) in Exhibit 1.2 – first 1960, then 2030:
For the fun of it, find your age cohort in the two “pyramids.” Also notice the almost doubling of the U.S. population between 1960 and 2030, that is, in about one lifetime.
The bill creating Medicare in the United States was passed in 1965. Circa 1960, when the discussions about it began, the population in the country represented a pyramid. That is, greater numbers of younger Americans would be able to support the retirement and healthcare of their elders, no problem. In 1935 when the Social Security program was created, the distribution of the population also reflected a pyramid. These approaches to supporting elder Americans no longer make sense, neither now and certainly not by the end of 2020s. For even more fun with population pyramids you can see the demographics of the baby-boomers causing the current problems in the slow motion of an animated presentation for the years 1950-2060: visit https://www.pewresearch.org/age-pyramid/. Few saw this demographic disaster coming – John was one of them. You can see his article on the topic written in 1997 in the Appendix.
The people we’ve talked to have given sage advice:
Helen (a Realtor in her 60s): When I work with people that are in their late 60s and early 70s, I try to help them see that they are going to be happier if they can move to their final home while in that age bracket. . . . They are not selling their house when they are under pressure for medical reasons or when they are not making good decisions. They don’t have to make quick choices about the things that they have loved for so many years, valuable and sentimental things. Also, it helps because folks are more adaptable moving into a new situation and developing new friendships when they are in their early 70s. The longer you wait after 75, the harder it gets. I have seen people in their 80s, they just can’t do it. . . . That is why I have explored all these options for myself, so I can make my own choices.
And they bring tears to our eyes:
Sarah (a 17-year-old, talks about having Granddad across the way): I took a class sophomore year about American history. I fell in love with it. I remember in my junior year, I was studying fascism and communism for an exam, and Granddad helped me. He launched into a twenty-minute explanation of world history, just clarified a bunch of things, and it was one of those [times] . . . you know, I’ll remember in twenty years. When I’m getting married, I’ll have a funny story to tell about how my grandpa was helping me out with a test when I was 16. . . . It’s like having your encyclopedia right across the road, across the grass.
Sarah added in her college application essay, “It is listening to your grandfather quote the page you just read in Macbeth last night word for word or that afternoon that you spent playing double solitaire with your grandmother as you watch an TCM movie. It is through such life experiences that I begin to realize that because of my past, I am ready for whatever the future has to bring.”
The mortar of our story is our observations about and analyses of this growing trend in America. Three generations living together is on the increase, according to all sources including the most recent U.S. Census data. Our goal is to help push this healthy trend along and to help ease the transition from a culture of independent retirement to one of interdependence. We are convinced the latter will be better for all.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
– George Burns
The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.
– Robert Brault
On this topic humor is important to have around for a couple of reasons. First, a little levity will help us all get through the rather serious adjustments we’ll be making to our family lives during the next decade. Second, we know that humor is an important tool for stimulating creative thinking. So, while we very much appreciate the Burns’ and Brault’s quips above, we must say that the folks we have interviewed for our book hold very different views than theirs. Herein we report the stories of scores of American families that have invented ways to live together that serve the fast-changing needs and constraints of our 21st century society. Their stories are about locating close by one another to work together creatively and cooperatively, rather than just dividing things up.
Grandparents are also moving back in with their children. Three-generation households are on the rise in America, according to the Census Bureau. Based on their analyses of U.S. Census data, the Pew Research Center estimates that 18 percent of the population – 59.7 million Americans – lived in multigenerational housing in 2021, up from 28 million in 1980. That number is now over 6% of all American households – see the recent, steady growth displayed in exhibit 2.3. And certainly the Census number undercount the prevalence of multigenerational living – not counted are extended families living next door, in duplexes, or even the same apartment buildings. The fundamental point is that people are moving back together again because the societal experiment of the World War II generation hasn’t worked. Three generations belong together, and not just for financial reasons.
Fundamentally, humans are psychologically and physiologically designed and have evolved to live this way. We’ve survived by living in such extended family arrangements. We are happiest in such groups. And we are now quickly learning that other institutions (companies, unions, governments, religious organizations, etc.) ultimately cannot take care of us. Only our families can and will.
For many the remodeling option described in the last chapter won’t work. This is particularly so if you’re living in an area like southern California, where land values aren’t calculated in terms of money anymore, only limbs. In many places around the country, like southern California, spare land will cost you an arm and a leg, maybe even a neck.
So this chapter is about finding and buying or building properties with contiguous residences. We’ve divided the chapter into four main topics. First, we discuss finding existing homes with attached, adjacent, or neighboring units, giving special attention to the stories of motivated citizens who are succeeding in changing restrictive twentieth-century statutes and regulations. Next, we consider how residential real estate developers are anticipating the needs of the baby boom generation. Third, we take a look at the lucky folks that can afford to custom build three-generation housing. We close the chapter with a quick summary of the restrictions local governments and other authorities place on three-generation housing.
First, the “whom” should receive care at home? Quick instinct suggests “everyone,” and most rational people will agree. In theory, that is the “who” of tomorrow, but in reality and practical terms, that is very difficult to achieve for the “who” of today, multi-generational family or not. With staffing shortages, lack of advanced technology, deeply rooted regulatory constraints, and a lack of full buy-in from patients who are use to “going to the doctor/hospital,” it will be difficult for “everyone” to be served via care at home.
That said, in the United States the “who” of today are usually 65+ individuals according to Medicare statistics. As you can see in Figure 15.1 below, it is clear that a national crisis is facing families in the years to come…an aging population with high and growing demand for medical care.
